Hey ladies (and the like, 3 or 4 men that read my blog): You occasionally indulge in a hair removal process, whether it be by shaving or waxing, on your junk, right? Well, whether you do or not, I’m just going to assume you know what a razor bump is.
Up until recently, I’ve never actually had razor bumps. So when I was sent over some products from Bikini Zone, I was like, “whatever.” I left them on my dining room table-turned-desk, which is where beauty products go to die. I mean get reviewed. And sometimes forgotten about, oops.
Well post-SoulCycle, my “treasure chest” was feeling a bit… irritated on the drive home. I mean, if you’ve ever cycled, you know that ish hurts your vag to begin with. Add to the mix some freshly waxed skin… Well, I guess it makes sense that all that SOUL movement would irritate skin that’s already been traumatized.
So I get home and check the situation, which ended up with me shouting, “WTF ARE THESE RAZOR BUMPS ALL UP IN MY FUN ZONE?!” It was like their version of Coachella up in there. What to do, what to do!? I thought about applying pressure with a cold compress (obviously, this was a medical emergency, and that is what people on Grey’s Anatomy DO in medical emergencies). THEN I remembered I had some Bikini Zone laying in the beauty graveyard, so I grabbed their Medicated After-Shave Gel and placed it on my nightstand to use after my shower.
I placed it right next to a tube of teeth whitening gel.
Guess where this is going?
According to Bikini Zone’s website, the Medicated After-Shave Gel “provides a cooling sensation to soothe the skin post hair removal, instant relief from irritation, pain and itching, and smooths away bumps and redness.” The main ingredient in the product is Lidocaine, which is a popular numbing agent and used frequently in the medical world, especially amongst dentists.
Post-shower, as I was getting ready for bed, I applied Bikini Zone to my bikini zone and put my teeth whitening gel on.
OR SO I THOUGHT.
As I was lying in bed texting cute boys and bffs, I realized that the BZ Gel was really working. My razor bumps had decreased in size and swelling, and they weren’t bothering me anymore. I also realized that I couldn’t really feel my mouth. It felt like I had gotten a shot of Novocaine. So I was like, “Damn, that BZ stuff is AMAZE, but what is UP with this teeth whitening stuff?”
I grabbed the tube of teeth whitening gel and got schooled so hard: It WASN’T the same tube I had squeezed product out of to put onto my teeth.
Now, I’ve been using a ton of different teeth whitening products, because I’m always down to rock a brighter, whiter smile (especially now that I’ve got a fake diamond on my grill and people are noticing my teeth more than ever). When it comes to their packaging, they all look different. None of them look like the Bikini Zone tube… which was the one I used when I put product on my teeth (I didn’t even look at the tube when I did it. ROOKIE MISTAKE Y’ALL).
YES! I PUT BIKINI ZONE IN MY MOUTH! There’s a sentence that, as a straight woman, I’d never thought I’d say. HA HA HA.
As I mentioned above, it’s just lidocaine, so I wasn’t in danger of DYING, but ohmygod, isn’t that totally something only I would do!? And if you’re wondering, NO, it did NOT whiten my teeth. It did, however, numb the hell out of my mouth for a good hour. Whatever, I love Bikini Zone’s After-Shave Gel, and it’s def a must-have for your summer beauty beach routine. Just don’t put it in your mouth. And don’t cycle on the same day you get waxed!
DISCLAIMER: The above product was sent to me for editorial and review purposes by Bikini Zone’s PR company. I’m sure they’re laughing at me right now. Rad “bush trimming” image above via a screengrab of a UK commercial for Schick Quattro.