Here’s something you probably didn’t know about me: I have big boobs. Yes, it’s true. Big, beautiful, nicely cleavaged breastasis. You’d think I’d be rewarded for blessing the general population with my awesome cleavage, but what do I get?
Ugly ass ridiculously expensive bullshit bras that fall apart after 2 wears.
If there’s a #bustygirlproblem more prevalent and annoying than finding a bra that fits, isn’t stupid expensive, and is actually nice to look at, I don’t know it. Oh, ADORE ME, you couldn’t have come into my life any sooner. Actually, yes, you could have.
You may have noticed I wrote a guest post for Adore Me’s blog last month: “5 Things I Hate About Shopping for Lingerie at Department Stores“. I was asked to write that after I emailed the brand declaring my everlasting love.
What I need to tell you is WHY I have an everlasting love, or even, adoration (ha, ha), for Adore Me.
It’s so hard finding a pretty bra in any size over a C-Cup, much less one that’s affordable. I mean, does it look like I’m tryna wear some basic bitch white cotton bra when I finally let Adam Levine get all up in this? OF COURSE NOT. HE DATES VICTORIA’S SECRET MODELS. THE GUY IS USED TO LOOKING AT SEXY LACE, YA KNOW?!
I’ve had my boobs for about a solid decade, so yes, I’ve managed to find some cute bras here and there. The problem is they’ve all cost me at least $100 a pop.
What is that? No, really, WHAT IS THAT? I hate dropping that much ca$h on ONE item of clothing that only a lucky few dudes ever get to see, NAW MEAN? God forbid I buy said bra during a dry spell and it falls apart before anyone sees it!
Besides, the more money I spend on bras, the less money I have for shoes, which everyone can see and be jealous of. You see my problem here?!
Well, thank Mark Zuckerberg Facebook shows me EVERYTHING my friends do – if it wasn’t for a friend “liking” AdoreMe on Facebook, I’d still be stuck wearing bullshit bras.
Photo Credit: AdoreMe.Com
Adore Me is a lingerie service dedicated to dressing up your favorite twins. They carry bras, panties, sleepwear, and corsets, also available in plus-size options, and there isn’t anything frumpy about their selection. This is NOT the site for “Don’t look at me or touch me I’m on my period and I hate everything” underwear. These are “I’m getting lucky tonight” pieces, and their sizes range from 30A to 42I.
Dude, I can’t even imagine what I-cup boobs look like. They’re probably the size of my head.
If you aren’t aware of how much a pain in the ass bra shopping is, consider this: I’ve been looking for a decent-looking red bra in my size (36DDD) since 2008. That’s FIVE YEARS. Everything I’ve seen is basic, minimizing (ew), or ugly. Within minutes of creeping Adore Me’s site, I found one: the Elisa DD+, pictured above (for the record: that is not my body – please, my boobs are much more awesome).
The Nalani (below), was sent to me for review after I wrote the brand. Isn’t it adorable? It showcases my absolute favorite part about Adore Me: Every bra you buy comes as part of a set, with corresponding panties in your preferred style included in the price. That means you always have a pair of panties to match your bra and you’re not stuck with that one random bra you found in your size for $19.99 during the semi-annual sale at Victoria’s Secret but it was lime green with coral trim and where in the fuck are you going to find panties to match that?
the Nalani, via my Instagram
As far as shopping the site goes, you can shop the site like any normal e-commerce shop, OR you can sign up for the monthly VIP membership. If you’re rollin’ VIP, you get free shipping & unlimited exchanges, your first item is 20% off, styles start as low as $29.95, and your sixth set is free.
Do the math: depending on the price of your set, that’s roughly $150 for 6 pairs of bras and 6 pairs of panties. Why wouldn’t you roll VIP? With no membership fee and zero obligation? Damn. Plus, if two of your friends make a purchase, you get a free set. Paarrrtyy (should you feel like doing that for me, you can use this link).
So, one more #bustygirlproblem solved. Next up: Did you know that if you have big boobs and short hair, you will be pulling stray hair out of your boobs for eternity once you decide to grow your hair out?